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crazyfangirl13 said:
Umbridge: Gosh. What a day. Being a mama sure is tough, isn’t it, Jacob? Especially when all the childrens are so misbehavin’. Why they gotta be so mean to their mama? I’m just trying to love them. That Harry Potter - he’s just the worst of them all, playing that little guitar, making fun of his mama. It just makes me so sad. So very, very sad - hungry. A cheesecake. I wonder where that came from? Oh, dats right, it’s from my induction ceremony as headmaster of Hogwarts. But I thought I threw that away. I’m not allowed to eat cheesecake. Just protein shakes, falcon eggs, and rocks. Well, I guess a little bite wouldn’t hurt anybody!
Mama: Dolores!
Umbridge: Huh?
Mama: Dolores!
Umbridge: Who said that?!
Mama: Dolores Jane Umbridge!
Umbridge: Mama?!
Mama: Dolores! You put down that cheesecake.
Umbridge: Mama, what are you doing here? I thought you were dead!
Mama: Dolores, I came down from heaven above to help you straighten out these chillun.
Umbridge: What? I-I don’t need your help. This is my house now. I don’t want your help! I hate you!
Mama: Hate me? You’re just like me!
Umbridge: I am nothing like you! I’m cool!
Mama: Oh yeah? Them there chillun don’t seem to think so. I heard that Harry Potter saying behind your back that you was a chubby little fuck.
Umbridge: But I am a chubby little fuck!
Mama: Dolores! You listen - to your mama now! Get up, girl - get on up! Now, the only way you’re gonna fight these chillun is with love. Do you love them enough to scold them?
Umbridge: Yes, I love them so much.
Mama: Do you love them enough to whop down their bottoms?
Umbridge: Yes, mama, anything!
Mama: Do you love them enough to…kill them?
Umbridge: Well…yeah. I tink I do.
Mama: Well, it might straighten that Harry Potter out. He might even be better off.
Umbridge: Yeah! You’re dead and you’re just fine. Why didn’t I tink of that before?
Mama: Because it’s crazy.
Umbridge: Yeah! OOH. Uh-oh. I’m crazy now, aren’t I, mama?
Mama: I wouldn’t be here if you wasn’t.
Umbridge: But how do I kill the children? I don’t want to hurt them.
Mama: Oh, there’s lots of ways.
Umbridge: Yeah! You mean like…with this axe I’ve been sharpening all day? I don’t remember doing that…but I must have. Yeah! I’ll kill Harry Potter and then my boyfriend, Dumbledore, is gonna see how powerful I am and then we’ll probably get married!
Mama: Atta girl, Dolores. You make me some grandbabies and we straighten them out, too.
Umbridge: Okay, mama, I will. Bye! Hate you! Bye!
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