I need feedback. No one else will supply :/

Hiya! This is in response to the first link you posted on the question. Nice story :) Excellent grammar! Nothing wrong with form...but I have a few comments. Please don't take them the wrong way; your writing is good and I liked it. But, the storyline is so cliche. While I was reading the first part, I was mentally checking off movies that I've seen with a similar plot. The perfect best friend falls for the girl, but there are setbacks in the girl's life that keep her at crossroads sometimes. The best friend is a Mary Jane...meaning he's WAY to perfect (and that's a slight turn off.) You need to mention a flaw as soon as possible in the story! Otherwise, what's the sense in following their relationship if he's Mr. Prince Charming? Too much dialogue. There must be a balance between description and dialogue. You need a couple of sentences painting the surroundings; the stories just progressing way to quickly. Also, add something of your own unique personality to liven up the story a bit; add your own "touch" to it, like an artist would to his painting. Lastly, your title is misleading. You made it sound as though you were going to get inside Cassie head a little and explore her worldviews. That's not, however, how your story seemed to me. I could be wrong, but I'm just giving you my opinion. You'll do fine! Keep it up and don't get discouraged. You have awesome potential ^.^ I hope this helped you. I learned these writing tips from a English teacher of mine, and trust me, they work ;)Good luck!