I'm afraid to get close to God.

I agree with what tiagih said.

A relationship with God is a happy, peaceful, and loving relationship. You were caught in a hard time, and I think what you may be feeling is a bit of guilt. Forgive me if I'm wrong. You might be feeling guilty for cutting yourself. Of course, it's not a particular "sin," but God doesn't approve of cutting because He wants you to come to Him in your times of trouble and grief.

Go to church, listen to Christian music, talk to a pastor, and keep yourself regulated. Thank God for the things He's blessed you with. He's not a hard-core, menacing God wielding a whip and shouting bloody murder everytime someone disobeys Him.

He's a fatherly figure. He wants what's best for you. He is your Protector, your Strong, Right Hand, your Salvation, and your Savior. He's never going to push you away, even though you may do so sometimes. He will always love you. No matter what you may do, He is always ready to forgive you if you submit to Him and ask Him to get rid of the sin conflicting with your soul.

There will be times when you feel isolated from God. It's called spiritual warfare. That's when Satan tries to grab a hold of your weakness and drag you down into disbelief.

Don't let that happen. Ask God for strength, and you can accomplish anything. Let Him be your dad.

Before I comment I want you to try and read the bible on what it takes about when God "part" of your or when you "feel" him. I can't say what you feeling is or isn't of God but I can tell you from my experience it is nothing but true happiness being in his presence. Its so peaceful and you feel warm and safe for that moment.
What you may be feeling is God getting rid of your demons that could posses you to sin. When demons posses our lives and God comes to get rid of them, it doesn't always feel comfortable. Imagine trying to pump your stomach of alcohol that is what it is when God is purging us of our demons, and that is what I think is happening to you.

It will feel weird at first since it is the process of purging, but once its over and your a new and "born again" person, I can assure you that you will feel 100% better. Just keep the faith and fulfill all righteousness because I think God is trying to "clean" your soul so he can us you for something for his good will and pleasure.

If you don't understand what I am saying let me know

Idk but I am afraid to get close to him because will all my fears come true or no if I’m still afraid or will he just fake it away