There are people in Africa that can't afford sarcasm, and yet, you abuse it.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

Boys are like Slinky's... useless, but fun to watch fall downstairs

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

When you get caught looking at him just remember he was looking back.

One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life

*Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk

I've got A.D.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have!

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

*Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.

The best place to hide is in plain sight.

Guys aren't worth your tears.

And God(CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was goood

*I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.

"Just remember, inside every girl, there's a boy. That came out wrong..but you know what I mean." -Paul, Shes the Man

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

*So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You shall be my squishy!

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

"Right, you've got a crooked sort of cross…That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering'--sorry about that--but there's a thing that could be a sun…hang on…that means 'great happiness'…so you're going to suffer but be very happy…"

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

There's a ME in AWESOME but there's also a WE.

I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

Don't yawn in the shower. You might drown.

***Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

*****I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo

Live dangerous…Run with scissors.

*I’m so clever that sometimes, I don’t even know what I’m saying

Love is like snot. You keep picking at it until you get to it, then you wonder what to do with it.

"Always listen to experts- they'll tell you confidently what can't be done and why. Then go ahead and do it."

"After all is said and done a heck of a lot more is said than done."

"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."

**"Happiness is your dentist telling you “it won't hurt a bit,” and then he catches his hand in the drill."

"Never hire a colorblind electrician."

"If you are good you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good you will get out of it."

"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."

"Sometimes you're the windshield, but sometimes you gotta be the bug."

****Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

**One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

*I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

***Someone once told me that happiness was just around the corner. I told them that world is round.

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

***You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it

Life was so simple when boys had cooties!

*Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, i just have many thou- OH A SQUIRREL!

Elmo knows where you live!

Forever isn't as long as it use to be.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do criticize you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

*Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

**I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

I ran with scissors, and lived!

***You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder(most of my friends would do that, and if it was may friend and they lived, i would too)

*You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Your eyebrows are as beautiful as an enormous caterpillar.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

My friend's the kind of person that will break the silence at my funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN"

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

BRB, I'm busy trying to jump off the roof with the kitchen broom.

Be nice to losers. one day they might be cool!

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling!?

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

When it rains on my parade, I bust out the Slip 'n' Slide!

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

‘Dear Jacob, I win. Sincerely, Edward’

‘You haven’t read Twilight? Go shoot yourself in the foot.

"You are in trouble. Enormous trouble. Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home" - Bella Swan

"How strongly are you apposed to grand theft auto?"- Alice Cullen