I really need some help with this.

I just wrote a short story. It's a bit different then anything I've written before. It's meant to be very emotional and to make you think about things when you finish, but I don't think I succeeded.

Please, if you don't mind, would you read it and let me know what you think?


link

It's inspired by the song posted below. I'm pretty sure I had a problem with fragments and run-on sentences. And I may have had a few problems with the organization. Please leave helpful comments, if you can come up with any.

I would REALLY appreciate it.
Thank you.