Ermm...okay. Here's my advice.
Things you should do before posting your vamp story:
1) Have you proofread what you've written? Spelling, grammar, proper punctuation, etc? If not, please PLEASE do so. Not only will it make things easier for the rest of us to read, but it's also common courtesy as a writer and shows that you really care about what you're doing.
2) Do yourself a big favor and run your main character through the Universal Mary Sue Test:
link
Trust me, it's a huge life-saver. It'll help you dodge cliches and shape your hero(ine?) into a realistic, well-rounded character. (BTW, if you don't know what a Mary Sue is, click on the next link:)
link
3) Ask yourself, "Has this kind of vamp story been done before? What makes mine so unique?" And be brutally honest with yourself. Many, many other teens before you have also written vampire stories and posted them here. For all we know, yours is just another one. What makes yours special? Why should we be interested in it? Is it REALLY better than it sounds? Are you being truly imaginative and creative with this story, or is it just a microwaved variation of Twilight? And don't just go by what your friends say, either. After all, they're your friends; it's their job to lavish praise on your story. =P Try to think for yourself and put a lot of thought into what you're doing.
4) Are your vampires REALLY vampires, or are they just really beautiful people with special powers who happen to suck blood? Let's face it - there's vampires, and then there's VAMPIRES. Make sure your hero/heroine is more than just an angsty teenager with a pair of fangs. =P
Again, this is just my advice. If you don't like it, you don't have to follow it. It's your story and I respect that. I'm just giving my opinion, that's all.
Good luck, have fun, and Happy Writing! =)
