This is the start of a story I wrote earlier this year. It atcually came runner up in a national schoolastic competition. I am thinking of developing it into a book and would love some feedback/ hint and tips on the opening paragraph.

Nagasaki, Japan
9th August 1945

I remember a story. An English story my mother told me again and again. I would snuggle up against her every evening and the worn tatami mats and grumbling in my stomach that was my reality would fade away.
Chicken Licken.The story when the sky fell down.
All I can hear is screaming, deafening shrieks of despair. Its just falling, falling. Closer and closer. I hear one last scream before the light sears my vision.
Then just dark, dark black.
Theres' nothing for a long time. But then I stir. And I smile. Because its just another fairy story.