I woke up in my twin bed, blanket pulled up to my quivering chin, lamp on the bedside table turned on because I forgot to turn it off last night, my feet hanging off the bottom of the bed, as always. But today would be different. I rolled out of bed and shut off my lamp, opened up my butter-yellow curtains, and let the rising sun shine on my face. I admired the looming hills in the distance. The empty hillsides were my savior, my escape, my haven. I slowly stripped off my lace nightgown, eyes never leaving the hills, and pulled on a formal blue dress and some pure white flats, my fanciest outfit. I felt I needed to be dressed up for the hills, so as to respect their greatness. I tore my eyes away from the hills and looked in the mirror. I fashioned my burgundy curls into an elegant updo with violet ribbons entwined in my curls. I sprayed myself with my most expensive perfume, pink in a clear bottle. Then I dragged a yellow bag out of my closet and packed: I packed up all the clothes I could fit, toothpaste, a toothbrush, hairbrush. I walked into my kitchen, tiptoeing past my parents bedroom, where my physically abusive father and verbally abusive mother slept. I packed food into my bag and zippered the bag up. I slung the bag over my shoulder. It was heavier than expected, I stumbled a bit. I composed myself and walked into my sister's room. Baby Jesse was laying in her crib sleeping. I peered into the crib, picked Baby Jessie up and stared into her face. Snow-white skin, rose-red lips, translucent eyelids, long, dark, thick eyelashes. I held her to me, and grabbed her baby bag and slung it over my free shoulder. And then I walked out the front door, out of that life forever. It took about twenty minutes to lug Baby Jessie and the two bags to the hills, and then I had to walk up the hill and dip down onto the other side, where I settled myself down in the valley between the two hills. Baby Jessie was still asleep, I laid down the blankets from her baby bag and put her down on them, praying she wouldn't wake up and scream and cry. I spread another blanket on top of her and looked up at the bright sun, rising above an empty hillside.
im so sick.
im sick of everything about you.
i hate what you say,
what you do,
everything.
it sets off some spark,
that just angers me inside and out.
im so sick.
im sick of your laugh,
your smile,
your eyes,
everything.
i hate how you talk to me,
how you treat me,
what you think of me as.
im not your toy,
im not your anything.
i dont belong to you,
im not a possession.
im just me.
and im so sick.
sick of everything in this godforsaken world.
especially you.
and i dont want to be something
that hates and is sick
of everything.
im just sick of you.
and honestly...
i dont want to be with you
anymore.
im so sick.
im sick of everything about you.
i hate what you say,
what you do,
everything.
it sets off some spark,
that just angers me inside and out.
im so sick.
im sick of your laugh,
your smile,
your eyes,
everything.
i hate how you talk to me,
how you treat me,
what you think of me as.
im not your toy,
im not your anything.
i dont belong to you,
im not a possession.
im just me.
and im so sick.
sick of everything in this godforsaken world.
especially you.
and i dont want to be something
that hates and is sick
of everything.
im just sick of you.
and honestly...
i dont want to be with you
anymore.
im so sick.