Please read & rate. I'm going for that when you read it, you can see it for your inner eye, and you can feel their pain. So please let me know if i got close :)

Christmas morning in Brooklyn, New York!
It was just like any other christmas morning. My sister Gracie woke me up, actually she woke up the whole house as she ran back and forwards into everyones room, jumping in the beds while screaming "santa was here, santa was here" at the top of her lungs. We were staying at my grandparents house, we do this every christmas the whole family together under one roof. But only this year something was missing, there was someone who wasn't there, my mother.
The day went by like it does every year, we open our presents, one present each the youngest first then the second youngest and the third all the way up to grandfather. Then we go again and again until there's no more presents left. My mothers presents lying in a pile behind the table, out of sight. After we had opened all the presents we ate breakfast, all of us sitting there at the long long table. Then the first phonecall came, it was my dad. He hadn't been there all morning, and hadn't asked why. I guess i didn't wanna know, i didn't wanna know why he wasn't there, but deep down i probably already knew.
The rest of the day went by as it does every year, christmas tv, snowball fights, hot choholate, building the lego car my cousin Jacob got, playing with the doll my cousin Lucy got, but as the day went by...more phone calls, people leaving and coming back with the same look on their face. The sadness filling the house slowly as everyone played it cool but really their hearts were breaking. But noone said anything to us of course, the kids, we werent allowed to know anything. The went to the kitchen to talk, like we didn't know what was going on. I knew it, i knew it in my heart, but as long as noone said anything i could still hope.
It was late, very late, my younger cousins were already asleep, we where all in the living room watching tv, nobody said a word. We just watched the tv, a big diffrence from this morning where everyone was talking and laughing. It was all gone, now there was just silence. My grandfather told me and Melanie to grab our stuff, he carried Gracie to the car. She feel asleep almost immediately after dinner, christmas is ruthless when you're four. He didn't say anything and neither did we. I got into the car, and we drove, i don't remember anything from the drive. I got in the car my grandfather started the engine and next thing i now we're pulling up our driveway.
It was dark outside, i looked out of the window in Melanie's side and it was all dark. I couldn't see anything just black, and her face reflecting in the window. She just stared into the dark, like it was all that was there, i guess for her it was. In my side, there was light, light from our house, the light from the ambulance. I don't know how but i somehow didn't see the ambulance when we first pulled up, i didn't see red and the blue blink, i don't know how but i just didn't. I hate that red and blue blink, my heartrate went off the raider. I could like litterraly hear my own heart beating my blood around. The blood puring into my weins with so much power it almost hurt, it did hurt. And i had this high pitching sound in my ears, that just went higher and higher until everything else sounded like whisperer.
I had been so caught up with my own heartbeat i didn't see my dad come out of the house, he reached the car and got in. He looked at my grandfather, but didn't say a word. Then he turned to look at us, with tears in his eyes and he said "i love you" and with those three words, he sat up straight in his seat put on his seatbelt while my grandfather started the car and we drove back to the house, without saying a word. And even though noone said anything i knew in that moment that she was dead, and nothing would ever be the same again.
The feeling from the driveway stayed with me for days. It was like the volume of the world around me had been turned down and the voulme of my own heartbeat had been turned up. And that was all i could hear, the blood running though my body and that horrible high pitched noise. That noise was about to be erased by an much more horrifying sound. I know the day my mother died would be probably be the day everything changed, but it wasn't. It was a couple of days later, it was the day of her funeral.
After her death, it was like the world stood still. Nothing mattered. It was like i was in some sort of daze, where everyone around me moved but i stood still. I remember my aunt talking to my dad about the flowers for her funeral, i don't know what his answer was, i just remember the look in his eyes. The look he had had ever since she died, like he didn't see anything, he looked at people but it was like he didn't see them like he looked right through them. And in that moment, when my eyes met his, he looked right through me and it practically ran send shivers down my spine.
The funeral was quick, to quick. It was weir, i was looking around at all these people i'd known my entire life, but it was like i was seeing them for the first time. As they all stood there, crying over the loss of my mother. Everyone cried, even the minister had to stop for a second, i didn't hear a word he said, something about how everyone loved her, what a great teacher she was, what a great wife she was, what a great mother she was, she was so great. And i then i looked up at my dad, he wasn't crying, he must have been the only these beside me not crying. I don't know why i didn't cry, i don't think the reality had hit me yet. But why didn't he cry? He just stared at her coffin with that same empty look he had that day talking to my aunt about flowers.
After they lowered her into the ground everyone left, except my dad he stayed. He didn't say anything he didn't even loom up. He just kept looking at her with that look. I stayed to, i just couldn't get myself to move. We just stood like that for a while, staring, silent. Then he just stopped, he layed out his hand for me to take. I looked at him, at the emptyness in his eyes and then i left. I didn't take his hand i just walked away.
After the funeral we went to our house. Our now, empty and sad house. My aunt took Melanie and Gracie to go get launch, but i just couldn't eat anything. So i stayed home. I was gonna go to my room, but as i reached the stairs i broke down, i just sat on the staircase. Next think i know, a glass felt to the ground and broke. And walked the three steps towards the kitchen, hiding behind the doorway. My dad picked up another glass and dropped it. Then another, and another. Then a plate, then two plates, then a pile of plated, then he opened the kitchenlocker and tore out all the plates. Then another locker and another, until there were no more plates left, then all our glasses he threw them against the wall, across the kitchen as hard as he could. Then he just stopped, he just stood there covered in glass, then he screamed. The loudest, longest more horrifying scream i have ever heard. Then again and again and again as he broke down lying between all the broken glass. Then he just cried and so did i.
I knew in that moment, that not only had i lost my mom, i lost my dad to.