The Heroes of Olympus The Son of Neptune

HecateA posted on Oct 28, 2010 at 12:36AM
So once again you guys have the opportunity to get in my head of what I think the next HoO book RR blesses us with will look like.

Before I start you peoples off, I need to say something.
So shush and listen.

When I wrote "The Lost Hero, written by me", I had to guess who the parents were. Well now, I know. So I am following Rick Riordan's version of the characters. Piper has nothing to do with Persephone, Jason and Thalia are siblings and Camp Ceasar Salad is real. For my series of fanfics, I'm following my version of the characters, but here, Rick's versions rule. Get it?

Title: The Son of Neptune
Rating: C
Type: Adventure, friendship, hopefully humor, maybe a touch of romance
Characters: Add, Annabeth, Jason, Piper, Drew, Leo, Jake, Nyssa
OC personalities: Reyna, Dakota, Hazel, Gwen, Bobby, Caleb
OC: The Gayle brothers, Karren
Synopsis: After discovering a new world, not so far from their own, Jason and his friends are sailing straight for it, unsure wheter they'll come out victorious or just start a civil war. But it doesn't take the arrival of a flying boat to get the citizens curious. They already sence something is wrong, way before the flying ship docks.

Disclaimer: The story base, character and settings base was created by Rick Riordan, who owns the Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and Heroes of Olympus rights.

A/N: Hopefully you guys will like it! I got some very nice comments on my random wall poll, so here it is guys! Love you all, you rock!

The Rebel Soldier's debut: link

The Honour in Death's debut: link

The Fire's Revenge's debut: link

Part Two's debut: link
So once again you guys have the opportunity to get in my head of what I think the next HoO book RR bl
last edited on Jul 29, 2011 at 10:13PM

The Heroes of Olympus 3419 replies

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over a year ago myth-freak214 said…
heart
OH MY GODS I LOVED IT!!!!
over a year ago Emily_is_COOl said…
mischievous
WOW! Loved it!!! You serious skillz! Keep writing!
over a year ago tracytracy2000 said…
heart
That was al good chapter to post especially on V-day it was great.
over a year ago magicgirl123 said…
u know, donna and rosy remind me of myself............. especaly when one of my freinds are going on a date........
over a year ago PJhero02 said…
that was pretty AWESOME!!! luved it!! percy better not be dead!!!
over a year ago real_madrid_07 said…
big smile
LOVED IT
over a year ago TheMagicWord said…
heart
That was amazing. I wonder what Annabeth will tell her school friends about Percy being missing. I mean, she can't exactly explain the whole Hera/Roman camp situation. Can't wait 'til Friday. Hmm, and. Why was Hestia being so evasive about Percy being alive...
over a year ago Lightning98 said…
big smile
Ish?... ISHY?????!!!!!!!
What did you mean by ishy??? that was great...
I am crying again... like many times before!... yah
OMGZZZZZZ GOSH!!!!!!! SO SAD!!!
Annabeth... Percy... Kiss... Hands... Dont you... forget about me!!! *falls to the floor crying* AHGGGG
WHY... WHY!!!!!!!... goodness... i can hardly breath!
well!... now you know how emotional i am and how much i loved the story... (if you did not know that then... i am emomional and i loved the story!)
Stephanie Meyers! I found out how to spell it... but... it does not rreally matter... because you are 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times better than her... yah
BOOK! Ha... just to remind you...
Love your writing... with this story it made me relize how lucky I am! INSPIRATION!!!!... (I have really bad spelling...) so keep writing or else the world will blow up and make 2012 be 2011 (I dont actually belive in that... just a joke...)
But... seriously... you are amazing at what you do and it seems you love to do it and you make other people (like me) happy... its like a win win
Lightning98
last edited over a year ago
over a year ago crazypegesus980 said…
angry
Percy better not ditch annabeth....
IF he does i will personally DESTROY him!!!
over a year ago greek_camper95 said…
heart
oh my gods!!!!! that was amazing i loved it!!! percy better not break up with annabeth but i still loved it!!!! cannot wait till friday!!! love u HecateA!!!!
over a year ago blakerose12 said…
big smile
Loved it can't wait for the next one ( your awesome HecateA keep on writing your the best) :)
over a year ago xx_vanille_xx said…
heart
Hi I'm new here and i jst wanna say WOW ur a brilliant writer !!!
I jst finished reading all the chapters,it took me ages but it was worth it,I hope Percy remembers his name soon !!!
can't wait until nxt chapter ur awesome HecateA !!!!!
over a year ago dementorskissox said…
AMAZING!!! Great chapter on a Valentine's Day! Happy writing!!! :)
over a year ago crazypegesus980 said…
you guys are the family that i wish i had .....
love the story
last edited over a year ago
over a year ago babbytreegrowth said…
Okay, okay all I have to say is it was good, and it wasn't ishy at all, like Lightning98 said. People probably tell you this all the time, but let me say that writing will be something you will be one of the best at. We can all agree on that, and if you are someone who doesn't then whay? Why don't you like HecateA's story??
All us people feel at home when you write these stories HecateA. You've helped many of my friends get through a tough time, and I'm here for them to thank- you. They were so blue, but now they look forward to your stories every week. Most of the people on here would be heart broken if you stopped. I know you probably like writing the stories and I must say as long as you like it then you're good.
All of us can agree on 1 thing for certain... HecateA you are one of the best writers, and we hope you know that! I like your stories, but most of all I like the way you inspire people to move forward. Great chapters!
last edited over a year ago
over a year ago sonybone said…
smile
simply amazing
over a year ago blakerose12 said…
big smile
Again going to say I loved it and that you are the best writer and absolute anyone knows that and no person I mean no person will deny it am a right or am I right
over a year ago magicgirl123 said…
crying
babytreegrowth: jeez!!!!!! now Im crying!!!!!!! That was extreamly well writen!!!!!!

I really do agree with her HectateA, you are very good!!!!

;)
over a year ago undeadwarrior89 said…
heart
soooo fabulous! can we have some more of annabeth's school friends?
over a year ago marmarmar said…
big smile
THAT WAS AMAZINGG!!!!! first of all it was NOT an ishy chapter becuase ive always been curious how annabeth was at her school... haha i love her roommates FEEL THE BURNN! so by far you are my favorite fanpop writer because your stories are amazingg! NEVER STOP WRITINg!!!!!!!
over a year ago bookreader0909 said…
I'm impressed on how you kept this story real. This is something rr would right, but wouldn't at the same time because every writer has their own style. You kept it adventurous, not all caught up In Drama which alot of other fanfics seem to be. Keep up the great work!
over a year ago Jas55jar said…
big smile
That chapter was totally awesome!!!!!!!
over a year ago orpher said…
smile
Wow everybody has pretty much said evrthin I was gonna say. Ur one awesome writter(did I spell that right?). I always look froward to get out of school and read your story and play video games. This is the only thing that keeps me from bursting open because I have trouble reding. I spend like two whole hours to read your new chapters but it's worth it. Anone who says ur not good must be crazy or jealous.
over a year ago dragonsaphira said…
Happy Vday too! (even though it's too late)
I loved that chapter so much!
It was the best ishy chapter by far!!!!!!!!!
You are a truly talented writer.
last edited over a year ago
over a year ago Hellokittymacho said…
blush
AMAIZING !!!!!


keep wirting

sorry I have not posted any comment, and that my internet was down

over a year ago HecateA said…
smile
Hola peoples and things and thinglings.

So I am back. I have named my USB key Leo and my friend Persephone will buy her own ninja-USB, but since it will be pruple it will be a girl. It is Leo's sister Ginny. We drew a family tree in English class their dad is Festus child of Hecate and no dad cause I figured Hecate was magical enough and their mom is Kumiko daughter of Isis and Osiris (Persephone likes Egypt). When Hebe will get one it will marry into the family. NONE of my friends read PJO or HoO so they don't realise the incredible irony that is Leo's dad... (my Leo not Leo Leo)

That's my news for the weak.

@red - The Fates. And if Percy dies after she tells Annabeth the poor girl will get her hopes up then BAM
@crazypegasus - I get that a lot...
@Greekrules - She stayed at Camp to help build, these are memories.
@Persephone16 - That's where all ishies come from. You dont need to know Dakota's mom and brother died, that Bobby's best friend is Amy or what Annabeth is dreaming about, but I write it down when I think about these in math. (my math teacher loves me)
@magicgirl - This guy -lets call him Perseus like the original because he is sort-of a jerk- is stalking me and Persephone. He messes up our hair when we're sitting down reading before French class or just stares at us, so of course I've been forced to laugh at her. But my dear mother thinks that he might like me. I thought my mom liked me :(. I've found myself two friends who'd let me live with them, and that's only at ONE end of the cafeteria table! (jk my Mum loves me, but that'S where the teasing idea came from)
@TheMagicWord - She never went back.
@Lightning - Are you still alive? Can someone make sure she didn't DIE on the floor, I'm worried now D:
@babytreegrowth - That was very touching. Thank you. It's to get to people that I write, and as long as it works and it does something to somebody I'll keep at it.
@bookreader- That's how a lot of fanfictions go. But this wasn't written as a fanfiction, it was written as a story.

So a few of you have asked if I'm writting a book of my own and up to now I've got 7 people (Internet or not) who swear they'll be the firsts to buy a copy. (&cough*red*cough cough*) So I am revising something right now. I'm reenergised for it, but I have 1 favor to ask. Can someone name me the first comic-book superhero? I have an idea and it might work depending on the answer, so I'm just asking to you lot of smart peeps.

I got my report card. Pretty good, but my English grades aren't in the 90's like I was hoping or got last year; writting is 82 but hey, you know...

I have a second favor. Can I get some critic here? I'd like to know what I could work on, or what about my story makes it so touching etc. It helps me out a lot more then just I LUV IT!!!11!
Thanks, hope you like it!


6
Add
June 7th: The City
The second present
The last few days were the most entertaining in a while- probably since Valentine’s Day; and I had high hopes for those to come.
Whenever they could, every meal especially, the war kids would start boasting around and dissing, trying to intimidate each other. If boasting was an art, Reyna would be the Leonardo De Vinci, or whatever Rachel’s favourite was again.
-I’ve watched Lamia’s corpse rot and the lynx king flee, and I can’t wait to see you do the same Jack Gayle, especially the little girl screams that go with it! She said.
-You are a little girl, little sister, and I can’t wait to hear those screams come from the source. He responded.
-Hard to hear things when you’re knocked out in the infirmary. Reyna said.
-Stop it, to your seats. Lupa said, walking in as everybody, “ooh-ed” like when kids get called to the principal’s office. They both bowed and went to their places obediently like they did every time Lupa sent them packing. The pair was shooting each other deadly looks. They did that whenever Lupa sent them packing too.
At first I could barely tell they were related, but eventually I started noticing they all shared the same impressive cocoa shade in their irises, and deadly flare in them; except only Reyna seemed to have the power to turn it off (well even then, more of a “tune it down” thing). They had the same fierce expression and even if they’d never work together, the four of them together scared me.
-I love ticking my brothers off. It’s so easy. She said smiling.
That morning I’d gone to hang out in the forest- which was called Marica’s woods after a nature goddess- like I always did in the mornings.
Every now and then the farmers came and asked if I could help them with the watering (which went so fast their eyes became the size of drachmas) like this morning, where I’d helped out the whole time. I loved at least doing something because I could practically see myself moulding from boredom. Or I helped the hunters set up fishing nets. I usually hung out with them anyways, they weren’t as anti-Greek as the rest of the City. Sometimes Reyna’d call me out and put the guys in her legion against me in sword fights or whatever as well. She’d make me do the push-ups, suicides and everything, which was actually the best thing here. Couldn’t they just put me in a legion, already?
Anyways, there was an afternoon session of practise after Lunch (the first meal) today, so I headed back to the forest.
The forest was divided in 2. The hunter’s area and the Citizen’s area.
The hunter’s area is hands off. Unless you hunt, you have nothing to do there, and the hunters are in right to shoot anything in there, which includes you. It’s the place where humans (technically half-humans) go so little all the game is mainly there. The water there has no contact with the aqueduct, so squirrels and rabbits go there, and therefore, the bigger predators do too.
And then the Citizen’s area, where the shoot-whatever-you-see-and-has-flesh rule is not active. It’s where its ‘safe’ to go. It includes Fontus Falls, Anemoi’s apex (the windiest place in the City’s perimeter- a huge pointy rock you can climb), Bellona’s glade (which is a spot Reyna, Jason, Dakota and Bobby discovered when they were little. It’s shaped exactly like a spear tip, which is what tattoo icon Bellona’s kids get, therefore that’s what they named it; Reyna hangs out there a lot) and a lot of others.
Fontus falls is the nicest spot here. If you pass behind the water veil, you get in a damp cave that’s rocky and slippery. As long as you watch your step, it’s a great place. You can climb to the top from there, so the sun light comes in. That’s where I was heading. It was quiet and I didn’t think anybody’d been there in a while.
I passed right through the water, dry as a bone. I was about to find a foot hole and start climbing when something caught my eye. It was a sheet of paper. How had anyone gotten in here? The force of the falls should keep everybody out…
I went to go pick it up.
It wasn’t a photo, but the drawing was pretty lifelike. A girl with curly hair falling to her shoulders and a bright smile, her eyes almond shaped. She had lightning icons engraved on her armour-Greek armour even stranger- tracing the length of her arms, legs and backs. Another girl had a wide forehead, grey eyes and straight hair. She was a little taller than the first girl and she had eyes that sparkled with intelligence, captured by the artist really well… A lot like Annabeth. The other guy was buff. He had jet black hair cut short and an engraved trident going up the side of his leg. There was another guy, with muscles like Hercules and angular features. Daughter of Zeus, Athena, Poseidon by the looks of the armour, and the last… Angular features, like Courtney from Victoria, or Andra from Nike…
There was a side of the drawing completely ripped off. I saw an arm going from the corner, around the daughter of Zeus’ shoulders. Someone’d been ripped out of the picture. Why?
I put the picture in my pocket and went to climb, still wondering who’d left the sketch there.
I was sitting on the rock, passing Riptide under my eyes again. It reflected a silhouette standing on ground level. I recognised her. Why was she here? I recapped Riptide let myself slide down. I stood on the water’s surface and I went back to solid ground.
-Hi. I told the shepherdess.
-Hello, how are you doing today, son of Poseidon?
-Still want to leave, if that’s what you’re talking about, and I think you are.
-Then take this. She said. She handed me another package, like the one she’d given me before, but the sea shell was different.
-Thank you. I said knowing it was no use to question her.
-No questions today?
-I’ve stopped believing you’ll ever answer.
-You are a smart one after all. She said. I blinked and she was gone.
-Hey Add. Somebody said. I stuffed the shepherdess’ gift in my pocket and turned around. It was Lark.
-Hey Lark, I said. What are you doing in the forest? Don’t you have training?
-We did night combat last night; Caleb let us off for the afternoon. But she’s busy if you’re wondering. She said in that calm voice she has. She looked tired.
-Alright, what are you doing in here alone?
-How do you know I really am alone? Lark asked. I couldn’t answer that.
-Kidding, no ghosts. She said.
-Okay.
Lark talked, heard and saw ghosts that the rest of us didn’t. I wasn’t sure how it worked, but with all the ghosts I’d seen in the Underworld, I wondered how she could stand the racket they must make. She was often alone, either that or with a girl named Timmy from Minerva, and she seemed okay with it, but I never knew if she really was or not. Might never.
-I’m going to Mania’s mine. She said.
-What’s that?
-The City tried to pay human expenses with gold and gems once; the biggest mine was a child of Mania’s discovery. Forbidden to go in, but a lovely, quiet place actually. I go there a lot, sort-of like you and Fontus falls.
-How do you..?
-I hear things. Lark shrugged. From who was the question, but I held my tongue.
-Who were you talking to?
-What are you talking about? I said.
-Well, I thought I heard your voice, and…
-No. I said. For some reason I didn’t think I should be running around telling people about the shepherdess. Not yet. She frowned.
-It’s just me, sorry. She said.
-No problem, Lark. She looked at a spot just past my shoulder for a few seconds before looking back at me.
-I better go, bye Add. She said.
-Yeah, bye Lark. I said. I looked where she had as she wandered off in the woods. Nothing except for the falls. I dashed for the house.
I slid the seashell into my palm once I was inside. Still from the beach. I put it with the other one, which I’d taken out so often I’d just left it on top. I slid off the string and unwrapped the paper. Seeds. Strawberry seeds, 21 of them. I bet they were from the fields. I wondered how many satyrs were out there right now, they did cultivate those things year-round… But without Mr D they might not, and unless Pollux and the others worked extraordinarily hard, camp would flunk… I’d have to ask.
The rest of the day was uneventful, but Reyna nearly made a daughter of Mars cry when she got challenged to “Mercy” (you hold on to someone’s hand and try to snap their wrists, first person to want out and forfeit- by saying “mercy”- loses). Eventually Reyna let go herself because the girl- Claire- wasn’t giving up.
That night my dreams were strange(r). I was in the strawberry fields and the strawberries had faces of people I’d seen or talked to in the city or at camp. When I looked away from the creepy fruit I saw Annabeth, Grover, Nico, Thalia, Rachel, Chris, Clarisse, and everybody else I could consider a friend were standing in the canoe lake and going completely under.
“I will never make things easy for you Seaweed brain, get used to it” was ringing in my ears.
I woke up at 5 in the morning like usual. I took a quick shower and got dressed, by five thirty after much dragging around waiting for curfew to end; I was outside and heading straight for Janus’ cabin. It was Sunday, no training, but people were already showing up in the streets. I knocked on the door.
-Dael, can you get that? A voice said.
-Lazy!
-I twisted my ankle, how is that my being lazy?
-You’d walk on a broken leg, Da! Never the less, Dael Ledécit opened the door.
-Hey Add. He said.
-Hi Dael, can I talk to Dakota? He moved over and I saw Dakota sitting on a couch, a white heavy knitted blanket thrown over shoulders and a notebook on her lap.
-Hey Add. She said. She shut the book and slid it under the sofa, before getting in a sitting position. I noticed a set of crutches on the floor next to her as I was closing the door, and an ace bandage wrapped around her foot.
-What happened?
-Fell off Anemoie’s apex. No big, the guys at the infirmary said I’d be back on my feet in a week. She said.
-Good. I said. I sat down on the couch. The corner of the notebook was still in view.
-You write?
-A little. Not much lately because its heck around here, but yeah.
-I’d never have seen it coming from you.
-Yeah… I guess I just like being the one to call the shots for once. She said looking troubled.
-Falling doesn’t hurt as much in a book either. She said quietly.
-Unless you fall on a book. I said. She chuckled.
-So what did you want to talk about?
- I was wondering, is there a shepherdess in the city?
- Yeah a few. Can you be more specific?
-12 years old, glossy black hair?
-No. Not that I know of, and I know everyone here. We’ve got Laura, Olivia, Rebecca and Gretta, children of Pales.
-Pales? I thought Pan was Faunus.
-Faunus was more of a wild god then a shepherd god. Anyways Pan/Faunus isn’t alive anymore, isn’t that was you said?
-Yes.
-About that, I’m still talking satyrs out of a burning a factory in his honour. She said.
-Sorry.
-Nah, it’s cool. But anyways, Laura and Gretta are 12, and both of them are red heads like Pales.
-How do you know Pales is a red-head?
-I’ve been on Olympus a few times. Part of my job as consul is to get us heard out by the gods.
-That sounds dangerous…
-It’s abnormally dangerous, thank you very much. You need to know what to say when, and when you should just shut up. That’s why a lot of good leaders don’t make it as consuls.
-Big trap?
-Exactly. Anyways, Jason and I were supposed to go on the Winter solstice for the last few minutes, but with all the things going on… By the looks of it summer solstice won’t be any different. She said. I saw the worry in her face.
-You know I can count the number of people who’d want to kill Jason at Camp Half-blood on my hand, right? He’s safe there. I said.
-Yeah, I guess. About that… I’d like to tell you the same about yourself here, but fact is, some people don’t like you.
-Is this a stupido squad reference?
-Partially. Look, we’ve had many discussion about the 4 Gayles behind their backs. We’ve all agreed on one thing about them. We call Jace the snake. He’ll look reasonable enough but he can do damage physical and verbal, and he’s the brother with the power. Jake is a scorpion. He’ll get you, he’s just not as quick or smart about it. And Jack is a crocodile; he won’t think about it, he’ll just go for it unprovoked. And Reyna- well, her dad’s always called her Sting ray, but we think it’s accurate. She’s got the power, but unless you give her the occasion, or threaten her or someone close to her, she won’t attack. But when she does it hurts.
-That sounds pretty accurate.
-We’ve analysed them, Jason and I. We were trying to find a way to tone things down. See, the thing is, the 3 brothers are incredibly powerful. They can influence everything. More people are buying into the bull they’re going around saying. From what Bobby told me some children of Minerva as well; and some children of Janus as well, if you’d hear them talking at night. Gods, my sisters are annoying… At least there are only 2 of them… They say since you’re not in a legion you’re useless, which is something you cannot be in the City.
-I thought I wasn’t allowed to be in a legion?
-You aren’t which is kind of unfortunate. I’d love to put you as praetor, but since you won’t be here for more than a year, which has been clear from day 1, it’s not worth it…
-I’d be all in for being in a legion. I said.
-I know you would, not doing anything but practise with Reyna must be killing you if you taught sword fighting at Camp Half-Blood. But you do understand that if they insist on pressing charges I’ll have to listen to the people, declare a vote and I won’t be able to do anything about it?
-Yeah. I said my mouth suddenly dry.
-I’ll do what I can so it doesn’t get to that point, but if they don’t get here and get you out of here soon…
-Yeah, I get it. I said. She looked like she was about to add something, but someone knocked on the door. I opened it for her; it was one of the messengers, Gwen’s sister Sammy.
-Alright, who’s the next? Dakota asked.
-Hello Dakota, how’s your ankle healing up? She asked.
-Fine, Sammy.
-I have a message from Lupa.
-Is she called back?
-Yes and this time it might be permanent, she said.
-Oh no… Dakota said. She sighed.
-Thanks Sammy, tell her I’m on my way. She bowed to Dakota, looked at me weird and left us in the dust to go transmit the message.
-Why does Lupa come and go like this? I asked.
-Last time I talked to her, she finds ways to get away from Olympus, gets away with it for a few days, gets called back, does it again. It’s typical Lupa, I’ve known her forever, but she’s not good when you confine her, wolves are nomad animals and she’s used to being Alpha down here, Jupiter frustrates her. She bent down and took the crutches. She got to her feet fine.
-6 years of this, I’m an expert. She said.
-Bet you are. Then she nearly fell and I caught her arm.
-You okay? I asked.
-Yeah, it’s just Dael…
-Dael, I’ll get you for buttering these! She said over her shoulder.
-Consuls aren’t supposed to threaten! A voice called out.
-Big sisters are! She said. Crazy kid… She shook her head.
-I’m sorry I can’t help you about the shepherdess. She’s probably a daughter of Mercury pulling a bad joke. Thanks for telling me, I’ll tell Gwen to tell the appropriate sister to knock it off. Now’s not a time for goofing off. She said.
-Umm, you’re welcome? I said. Dakota grinned.
-Sure.
I followed her out of the cabin.
- Have a good day.
-You too. I said. Dakota walked past. I don’t know how people knew it was back on, but they bowed as she past.
The shepherdess wasn’t a daughter or Mercury, I knew it. She might not even be a demigod. So what was she? And what did she want from me?


6
Leo Valdez
Morning of July 21: Camp Half-Blood
Enough with the last minute additions!
List of people who did not sleep last night:
- Annabeth
- Piper
- Jason
- Chiron
- Nyssa
- Jake
- Harvey
- Every other person from the Hephaestus cabin
- MalcolmEverlearns
- Nico Di Angelo

But I did. To tell you the truth, I sat on my bed and crashed. I had not slept for the past week. I’d been in the forges helping the guarding or just lying in my bed not moving or blinking only thinking of all the different ways the boat’s mechanics or deck could break/split/rip apart/ get water logged/get stuck/ explode/fall apart/short-circuit, etc.
I saw Hephaestus in my dream, except this time he looked like he’d cleaned up.
-Well? He said.
-The common conversation starter is “hello”, but I like “hey” too. I said.
-I was talking about your ship, boy, there is no time, Zeus will find this out soon.
-The ship’s good. It’s ready. Nyssa, Jake and I checked everything before coming here and we’ll go again tomorrow morning. I said.
-Good. Bring spare parts, because on these quests you never know. A lot of things break. He advised.
-That’s with the supplies to be loaded on.
-That’s not what I mean, boy. Many things will break on this quest. Some you’ll be able to fix, and some you won’t. But be ready to at least make them functional if not fixed. He said.
-People? Do you mean people? Because all we have for that is Jason who can set feet and Annabeth who can probably knock a person out somehow.
-Humour won’t be tolerated where you are going boy, you must find other ways to hide your fear. Hephaestus said.
-You’re talking injury, right? Not, like, death or something, right? I asked trying to keep my face straight like Jason.
Hephaestus’ expression was grim.
-Both? I asked. I don’t know how Jason did it, because my face must’ve had the most horrified expression.
-Be ready for anything to break at any moment. He said.
-Woe, I need more info on this, who..?
-Zeus will find us, and I don’t fancy that, may the fates be with you, boy. He said.
-Wait, no, not cool, what..?
But Hephaestus had tuned out of my dreams.
-Valdez! Someone said. I sat up straight and bumped my head on a TV screen folded out of the wall and swore.
-Don’t get up on a bad foot, geez. Jake said.
-Not our problem if he does, Jake.
-True that, Nyssa. But seriously Valdez, wake up, the sun’s almost risen.
-Ehhh… I’ll meet you there in 10, key?
-Alright. Nyssa said.
I took a shower and got dressed super quickly. I picked up my backpack, put on the tool belt and went to the forge.
The whole of Camp Half-Blood was up. People were loading the boat while Hephaestus campers ran around making sure the boat was good and ready. I got caught by Jason.
-Yo Valdez, Chiron’s confining us to the Big house. He said.
-I told the guys I’d meet them there.
-They’ll figure it out; Chiron is ordering us to the Big house.
-It’s not Chiron’s thing to “order” and doesn’t that apply to you?
-Well “told”, I’m sorry but that’s just how I’m used to things. And yes, which is why we should get moving. Jason said. He wore a black hoody unzipped over a purple shirt, jeans, sneakers and his gladus hung at his side. His eyes were bright and he looked like a kid on Christmas morning- excited but also a little anxious to what would be under the tree.
-Fine, I’m coming. I said.
I followed Jason in the big house, and into the parlour.
Annabeth and Piper were sitting at a table. Both of them had gotten no sleep from the looks of the pockets under their eyes. Piper had her snowboarding jacket on, a camp half-blood shirt, like Annabeth and I on, and skinny jeans. She wore sneakers and was catching light with Katoptris’ blade and shinning it on the wall.
Annabeth was reading another book on the Roman army. Her hair was tied up high, and she had a laptop bag around her shoulder.
-Jason, you did say your friend Bobby or something loved the labyrinth?
-It’s an addiction. Jason said.
-He’ll love this then. Annabeth said, fiddling with the tie for the laptop bag.
-A laptop? Piper asked.
-A laptop from Daedalus’ workshop. Annabeth said. Piper nodded, not sure if she had linked the words “Daedalus” and “genius” yet. And then I noticed something around her neck.
-Holy Styx beauty queen, is that a necklace? I asked.
-Don’t-say-it. She said.
-Seriously? Annabeth asked.
-Kumiko, key? Not me. She took the chain out from under her shirt. A silver chain of tiny links, and a bunch of charms dangling at the end.
-Pretty. Annabeth said.
-If you say so. Piper said.
-Is that a pear? I asked noticing one of the charms.
-Don’t ask. Piper asked.
-Oh that’s a guarantee he will. Jason said.
Things had softened up between Jason and Piper since we’d seen her with Butch. Jason didn’t feel so bad about already having a girlfriend, and Piper just couldn’t give him the cold shoulder. It was all a fake and eventually someone would realise something, but I was good with this as a solution for now.
Nico Di Angelo ran in and nearly tripped over his foot since he was so excited.
-Where’s Chiron?
-No clue. Jason asked.
-So he’s forcing me in here but we have no clue where he is? I protested.
-Stop complaining Valdez. Why, what’s wrong Nico? Piper asked.
-Um, dream, Lou Ellen and I have to come.
-What?
-Over there, they’re planning a resistance against the whole everybody-out-of-the-Underworld thing. They’re assembling all the Underworld children they can, and it’d sound stupid not to go. Nico said.
-Caleb, Hazel, Lark, Brad are probably in it, do you know, Nico?
-No clue whatsoever. Heard no names, saw no faces. He shrugged.
-It seems worth a shot. I said.
-Where’s Lou Ellen? Jason asked.
-Trying to find Chiron.
-Found her. Piper said. Lou Ellen and Chiron walked in.
-Found him. Lou Ellen said.
-Nico, is this true? Chiron asked him.
-I really think we need to go, at least the two of us so we can make a connection between camps. Nico said.
-It’s up to the present crew.
-At least to go to the City. Jason said.
-Agreed, after that, not so much. Piper said.
-That’s all we need. Lou Ellen said.
-Sure.
-Sounds good. Annabeth said.
-Yes! They both said.
-Go get your things; you might be staying in the city for a while afterwards. Chiron said. The two hurried out, replaced by Rachel.
-Hi! She said. She gave both Annabeth and Piper hugs.
-A prophecy for luck? Annabeth said.
-Not sure, I’ll just hang near you all and see if it comes. She said. She sat down on the Ping-Pong table and watched us.
-Carry on. She said.
-Alright. First off, Piper and Annabeth have a plan for navigation, right? Chiron asked.
-Yeah, she lent me some maps. It’ll get us as far as San Francisco in a 11 to 12 hour flight if all goes well and my math is right. Then we’ll have to look until we find the emplacement, unless Jason remembers that at some point. Piper said.
-Good. Leo, your siblings know you’re here and they are proceeding to the inspection without you.
That killed me. I knew they were all experienced and gifted craftsmen, but I wanted to be there, the Argo II was the best thing I ever built from scratch. I wanted to be sure it wasn’t bailing on us.
-Key. I said.
-Notice the slight hesitation. Piper said.
-Shut up. I said.
-The boat is being prepped. It’ll be rolled out into the valley and take-off from that point. Chiron said.
-Sounds good. Annabeth said, eyes glued to the page of her book on some food item called pottage.
-Follow the planned lay-out. Once you get to the City Percy and Jason are your only chances, Chiron said. Or of course Piper’s charmspeak. He said.
-It’s not working. She mumbled.
-Not working? What do you mean beauty queen, turns out its a seasonal thing? I asked.
-Just won’t. She shrugged.
-Why..? I asked.
Rachel zoned out on humanity and green smoke wrapped around her.

You shall pass Rome’s borders without touching the ground
The slayer of giants shall come this time around
An add who knows which way to set the sail
And the defeat of atalus regis fillae decide if this round you prevail


Annabeth was quick enough to go catch Rachel before she hit the ground and I helped her lay Rachel down on a couch.
-Well, a prophecy for luck. I said.
-Reboot, reboot! What was it? Lou Ellen asked walking in, Nico following. We recounted the prophecy.
-Who’s the slayer of giants? Nobody’s slain a giant yet.
-Actually, somebody has…But she… I don’t think she’d want to come.
-Jason, who?
-Karen. She killed a giant last December. It died of the injuries she gave him.
-What about Enchilada, though?
-Enchilada? Annabeth asked.
-Valdez here means Enceladus, but he didn’t die; he squirmed out. Piper said.
-Then Karen needs to come doesn’t she? Nico said.
-She won’t want to.
-She’s in the prophecy. We can ask. Piper said.
-I’ll ask, she’s my friend. Nico said.
-Find her. Chiron said. Nico sprinted off.
-What about the last line? I asked.
-There’s Latin in it. It means winged princesses. Jason said.
-Oh yeay, more royalty. Piper said.
-This one flies. I said.
-Medea had flying dragons. Jason said.
-I’d be surprised Gaia’d give her a second chance; she’d use her power to send someone else out. Annabeth said.
-Alright, let’s go through the list of winged princesses in Greek slash Roman mythology, starting with the evil ones. Lou Ellen said.
-There are too many to list right now. Annabeth shook her head.
-There seriously are. Jason said. Karen walked in, eyes wide in denial, following Nico.
-You’re kidding? You’re effing kidding?
-Sorry Karen, but no. We need someone who’s slain a giant, and you’re the only one alive. Jason said.
-That sounds so unencouraging… And I thought you needed a god and a demigod to defeat a giant?
-That’s the part I don’t get either. Piper said.
-Hecate’s rope might’ve been enough. Annabeth said, deep in thought.
-It was holding onto umm, what’s his face? Typhoenus-right, the rope was holding Typhoenus; the rope had nothing to do with Leon dying. She said.
-It helped win the battle. To be honest, I think we got so much godly help for that from everywhere, I think it counted. Jason said.
-Maybe. But… you’re sure?
-Yes we need you to come. I said.
-Yes you’re powerful enough for this; yes you can do it- before you even say anything. Nico said.
-Alright then. She said after a slight hesitation.
-Go get your things. Chiron said. Karen nodded and walked out, but I heard her start running as fast as she could the minute she turned the corner.
-Is that everyone or anybody else wants to come? I asked.
-Should be. There was a knock on the parlour door, and then it opened itself.
-We let ourselves in, hope you don’t mind. A girl said. I recognised her, because I remember how lucky Jason was to be related to such a hot person. Her hair had grown longer, but she still had the black clothing, silver jewellery and hunter’s jacket. Her eyes were electric blue and threatening, but not as much as the points of the arrows in her quiver and the bow in her hand. Well, when she looked at me maybe.
-Thalia! Jason said.
-Yo Argos. She said. He got up and hugged her. Apparently Argos had been her official nickname for him since she’d found out “Jason” was from the Argonautica, a month after he was born.
Thalia’s second in command was standing behind. She had thick straight brown hair, serious brown eyes and her skin had a slight yellow touch to it, without looking unhealthy. Apart from the eyes she looked like a calm and soft person. She had some kind of tattoo on her arm and was more hesitant than Thalia to walk in the room- forget hugging anybody.
-You ready for your quest? Thalia asked.
-I’ve done this before, Thal, yes I am. He said.
-Good. She said. She gave Annabeth a hug before turning to me.
-Valdez, how many people can your ship carry?
-Same as any other trireme. More than a hundred comfortably.
-Then do you have room for 2 hunters? I think Phoebe could really help, and she refuses to go without me.
-Sure. I said.
-But why? Jason asked. Phoebe walked up and put a fist to her heart and bent her knees in something that looked like a bow and said;
-Quia Jason Grace, ego quo ire.

*I'd like to know what you all think of the sheperdhess and of the kids in the picture. They'Ve both appeared before whether in the same shape or not.

**I'll post a picture of Phoebe when I get on the other computer
last edited over a year ago
Hola peoples and things and thinglings. 

So I am back.  I have named my USB key Leo and my friend
over a year ago babbytreegrowth said…
Okay to answer your question about the first comic book super hero...

Most people say that Superman was the first. You'd have to reasearch it, because I'm not incredibly sure... that was what you were asking right? Hopefully it was, so I don't look like a complete fool saying something like this when you were asking a completely different question.
Okay I liked this story a lot, and I understand that you try to get to people by your writing. Let me say that it works, I got so many thank - yous, but I said they should all go to HecateA because she was the amazing writer who wrote this story... so again this is a thank - you for all of my now happy friends. Even people I don't liked got better by reading your story... so... amazing!
Okay you asked why we like your story a lot... well... Let's see. You make it as exciting as Rick Riordan does, so we want to know about what will happen next. You amaze me with your writing techiniques, (I'm not sure if that's spelled right) and it's like how are you able to write something so fascinating, that we are hungry for more.
You know for some criticism... man this is hard... uh well maybe...Okay so I've thought about this, and I must say the only 3 things I see wrong are
1. Spelling errors, but hey, people make mistakes and I'm not saying that everyone is perfect, but sometimes its hard to understand.
2. Cliffhangers... you don't have too many, but man I am so excited when you do that and I suppose you do it to keep us reading your stories and I must say it works.
3. You don't always finish an event like when Gwen got shot with those arrows? I'm sure you're waiting for a big finale when you tell us, but hey I'm anxious to know.
By the way your writing grade.... man how did you get that? You're too good, but I shouldn't be talking because I get worse.
You know we say that a lot.... don't we? Let's say that it is ...well it's awesome, but I'm still looking for the word that describes you rstory... amazing and awesome don't cover it.
~babbytreegrowth~ (sorry if I commented too much...)
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over a year ago GreekGeek97 said…
big smile
AMAZING!!! cant wait till next Friday!!! or any other time you post!!!
over a year ago lamy221 said…
ummmm... annabeth is going too right? and why is karen going? i think the seven should be annabeth, jason, piper, leo, percy, reyna, and hazle....... and how is pipers chram speak not working. that chapter confuzed me, but i still liked it.
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over a year ago Persephone16 said…
big smile
That was great! They are like so close to taking off that it's so exciting. I think that the reason that people love your writing so much is that first of all the topic. That's always part of it, you like the topic, you normally like the book. Second, you make it exciting, with cliff hangers or unexplained things that make people really wonder what is going to happen. And third, you connect mythology with real life experiences, it allows people to relate to the story.
Now about the picture...i liked it. You described just enough to make people wonder who was ripped out and why. I have theories about what it's about; but i don't want to sound stupid if they are totally wrong. But overall, i love the thought and creativity behind it.
Finally, with the critism, well i suck at giving out constructive critism becuase i can't really think of anything normally. I guess, like babytreegrowth said about the spelling, it is sort of hard to understand sometimes. But that happens to everyone, alot! So just saying, i loved it and am really excited for the next chapter!!

Oh, and lamy221, Karen is going because she killed a giant and Rachel's new prophecy said that someone who had killed a giant would have to go. Jason didn't actually kill Enceladus (or whatever his name was), so Karen had to go!
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over a year ago GreekRULES515 said…
big smile
AWESOME


nothin more
over a year ago myth-freak214 said…
laugh
wow,that was awesome. can,t wait until next friday and hopefully tuesday also.
over a year ago xx_vanille_xx said…
laugh
i agree with babytreegrowth an persephone10 your story is easy to relate to and theres always alot of adventure and excitment which keeps us on our toes and its never boring bcause theres always something happening.
as for the critisism (sorry if i spelt that wrong) well im not good at that either,i think its perfect exept for a few spelling mistakes,but everyone makes spelling mistakes (especially me).
i have 1 question though,and i dont mind if you dont awnser it,but when is add/percy gonna remember his name ??
its so anoying cos i cant write add without thinking of percy and then i loose concentration and totally forget what im doing !
can u like maybe just give me a hint ? like the chapter number or something ? so i can look forward to it.
thanks
xx_vanille_xx
over a year ago Emily_is_COOl said…
heart
I loved it! I honestly don't know what you should change but if I had to ch0se maybe to add more about Percy/Add in the beginning or something? Your book is easy to read. The only thing that I'd like it is if you'd use quotation marks. Just because sometimes I get confused.
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over a year ago tracytracy2000 said…
big smile
^^ Like babytreegrowth said Superman was the first to appear in comics in the U.S. But there is also Wonder Woman, Batman, Wolverine, and Green Lantern to stay original.
I relly don't have much to say about your improvement but I guess no one's perfect so...

1. I remember one time I was reading your article "The fighter" and I commented that it was romantic or whatever, you said that romance was not your domain that was why you were ishy about it. I would like to see you try to write romance ( not that I like it very much). It could be a challenge for you to try.

over a year ago crazypegesus980 said…
sad
I cant really critize you on a anything.
I simply not good at it.
Are tose gladiator fight going ot happen....
Sorry if am spamming but had to, lost my front four teeeth top and bottom playing hockey 4 skool... ;)
over a year ago crazypegesus980 said…
"All i want 4 christmas are my front two teeth front my two teeth"
HAHAHAH
last edited over a year ago
over a year ago SeaweedBrain323 said…
big smile
That was amazing!
over a year ago PJhero02 said…
laugh
that was amazing!!!!!! they probably have no idea who add is!!!! haha can't wait until they make it to the camp!!
over a year ago greek_camper95 said…
surprise
that was amazing but one question....doesnt bobby already have a laptop from daedalus? and who are the kids from the pic percy found? is the shephardess hestia in disguise? loved it though cant wait till friday!!!!
over a year ago AnnabethPotter said…
big smile
Wow wow wow, amazing as per usual! Really liked hearing more from Leo. :) And to answer ur question about what makes it so touching.. well, i don't know, but I really like that u go into more of the romance aspect than RR did (and probably will). Criticism... well, it's kind of hard with the spelling errors/ quotation confusion. Sometimes it's hard to tell who's talking. But yeah, one of your best chapters in a while!!! :) :) Happy President's Day/ Week for all the other Americans out there. Enjoy your vacation!
over a year ago TheMagicWord said…
laugh
Amazing, so you asked for reasons we like this so much and for some criticism. I compare writing to music, you can't explain why it's so good it just is. As for criticism... The only thing that breaks the flow is spelling.
Near the beginning you put moulding I assume you meant molding, moulding does'nt fit into the sentence quite right.
Things that you do more often are "woe" and "key", when I stop to decode it breaks the flow of the writing.
If you could put "whoa" instead of "woe" it would help I see woe I think regret and mourn.
Instead of "key", putting "kay" would stop me from thinking the subject suddenly changed to unlocking doors

Its really hard to criticise such good writing, I can't wait 'til your next post as always.
over a year ago real_madrid_07 said…
big smile
YES <3 CANT WAIT FOR THE PROPHESY TO UNROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
over a year ago wolf-lover-0611 said…
monkey
Really i have to say that your story is great
• the prophecies are spot on and understandable (i have a theory about what one of the lines is referencing)
• the plot is really logical and creative- however i think the ending of SoN was a bit abrupt could have used some more "falling action"-all the falling action occurs in one chapter- 27 number three
• Your ideas –I am jealous-I wish I could come up with scenarios that were a tenth as good and as creative as yours, I am not exaggerating
• Voice –the narration of your words- is very similar to that of Rick Riordan, the specific word choices that you both use is similar—*I read so much that I can tell the differences between JK Rowling, JRR Tolkien, Heather Brewer, and many, many more (really I just was about to write another 8 or more authors that you have likely heard of and another, oh –I-could-not-guess-how-many authors that you have not heard of at all)*----POINT-that’s why we are always asking you if you are rick in disguise your style is really similar, and if R.R. is someone’s fav. author, guess who they like?
• Characters- your characters each have their own well developed personalities, each with own intricate backstories that bring depth and life to everyone
• Mythologies- you keep your gods/goddesses straight- you have obviously done your research into the myths and roman legions, like Kratos (god of strength)
• Descriptions- awesome- just enough for us to “see” what is happening, but not too much, too detailed and the story would be mostly filler and adjectives- you have found just the right balance!
Ok yes I know you wanted some criticisms but I had to first comment on the good things


Well here you go, oh, these are all comments and are for the most part SUGGESTIONS not “need to be done”

• Dialog structure- not that it is that bad in context, it is your own style- but you always have it: speech, then some comment (“Hazel said.” ,” Hazel smoothly suggested.”, “I asked.”), sometimes (like literally 4 times from chapter 1 through chapter 9 of SoN) more speech by same character. Usually there is a new paragraph with a new speaker that says something then another new speech line (“-We know. We disarmed you the moment you got here. -Where is here? -Don’t play games stranger. Where is he? The girl asked, jerking her spear forwards. -He? Who are you talking about? -You can not be serious. If you think that I’ll… -WOW wow, wow! Rey, its okay, its okay. I’ve got this covered. A girl said. She walked towards me. She wore a purple shirt covered by a breastplate and black jeans. A sword was at her side. Her eyes were thin and a color I couldn’t identify, and her hair, light brown curls, was pulled back. -Hazel, what are you talking about?” this is all from chapter 1 of SoN, just so that it is clearer what I mean.) it might help if you switch up the structure
• Speaking #2-quotation marks!- they make it easier to tell what was said, especially when the narrator is the one talking, sometimes it is hard to tell which was said and what was only an internal comment/thought
• Tense- you jump between present and past tenses a lot-
• Spelling-ok I am not one to talk, I cannot spell at all, Spellcheck is my best friend- part of it is commonly confused words(CC), others it is just misspellings(mis), others are spelled differently by where you live(loc):
o Armour—armor(loc)
o Collleseum-- Coliseum(mis)
o Apologise-- apologized(mis)
o Realise—realize(cc/mis)
o Jewellery—jewelry(mis)
o Dammit—Damn’ it(loc)
o Prey—pray(cc) (prey-what large animals eat; pray-to the gods)
o Woollen—woolen(mis)
o Neighbouring—neighboring(loc)
o Common—come on(cc) (common- ordinary, normal, “commonly found”; come on- “come on”)
o Coloured—colored(loc)
o Holly—Holy(cc) (holly- plant; holy- “holy Zeus!”)
o Civlisations—civilizations(mis)
o Its – it’s(cc)(its- possessive; it’s –it is)
o Defence—defense(mis)
o Lied—laid(cc)(lied-“I lied about something”; laid-“I laid down on the bed”)
• Point of view- in the first chapter of SoN, there is both first and second person(He[Add] and I [Add]) it was confusing
• Numbering-the chapter numbers are sometimes off


I’m not trying to seem mean, this is what you wanted.
My quick comments

• again- this is what you wanted.
• This is REALLY Long
• My teachers would be so dumbfounded/happy if they saw this
• The way I was writing I had the first so many chapters up and that’s where these quotes came from.
• SoN was Hecate’s Son of Neptune
• The spellings all stand out and scream at me (really quite strange)- that’s why I noticed so many…
• You can ignor the stuff between the stars on the “voice” comment and skip to where it says “point”
• This whole comment is really REALLY long!!!(there are 824 words on here-insane!)
• Had to be random and use a monkey!!!!!
last edited over a year ago
over a year ago blakerose12 said…
big smile
That was aaammmaaazzzziiiiinnnngggg you are the best keep on writing because u are awsome
over a year ago loony4luna said…
amazing
over a year ago orpher said…
zzz
Awesome! Can't wait. For the cobstructive critesm um I agree with wolf lover. You are an awesome writter so dont stop plz. Oh gods in so zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz­zzz­zzz­zzz­* falls asleep*
over a year ago Angle97 said…
AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! And I know u want some critsim I'm not very good but I'll try....um spelling errors? And...well u use said a lot so I guess try and use some other type of thing like she yelled, he smirked...? I think...srry if I'm no help. But ur a great writer and I loved the chapter!!
last edited over a year ago
over a year ago dragonsaphira said…
smile
I think the first ever comic book superhero was Superman.
Your writing is amazing, and like I've said a million times before you've got talent but one thing you really can improve in your writing is speech marks.
It would be really helpful if you could put in the quotation marks as it gets confusing sometimes and I'm not really sure when someone is talking or thinking.
Also in long conversations don't forget to mention who said what every once in a while, or yet again, it can get confusing.

Sometimes, you do tend to give away too much information which is really overwhelming and sometimes doesn't really make much sense. Since you refer to people from both the Roman and Greek camp it gets even more confusing.
"Bellona’s glade (which is a spot Reyna, Jason, Dakota and Bobby discovered when they were little. It’s shaped exactly like a spear tip, which is what tattoo icon Bellona’s kids get, therefore that’s what they named it; Reyna hangs out there a lot) and a lot of others." This is a quote from your story that I took and I really find confusing because of the amount of information you've put in. I know that as a writer, all you really want to do is tell them everything- but please don't because as I said - it gets confusing.

Sorry, if I may seem a bit harsh but I'm just trying to help. I hope you find my (constructive) criticism useful. I hope I didn't offend you in anyway, and if I did I'm really sorry.

(btw you should especially take Wolf-lover-0611's advice in to consideration)
last edited over a year ago
over a year ago seashell7 said…
That chapter was amazing! Actiona dn Excitment. Keep It Up!